WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION PART 3

WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION PART 3

If you’re evasive, the sure sign that you just have to use effective communication is once you feel an overwhelming urge to flee. Use effective communication to make it clear to your partner that you need some space and

you just want to find out how to make it right for him or her. Suggest a couple of alternatives, making sure the other person’s needs are met. By doing so, you are more likely to encourage the breathing space you would like. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY, even if you start off on the wrong foot Larry received a disturbing email from work on a Saturday while Sheila, his partner of seven years,

I was out seeing a lover.
WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION part 3
When he came home to pick up his things for the gym, Larry became anxious and upset: “Are you going out again? you just got home! I never get to meet you on the weekends!” As he said this, Larry knew that he was not

being fair. Sheila was stunned by the unwarranted attack: he knew of her plans and, before confirming them, she had even offered to stay home with him if he wanted. The atmosphere became tense and neither of them said a word.

word for a while. After some calming reading, Larry realized what his behavior was really about: he was nervous about work email and wanted the security of having Sheila accessible, but he wasn’t. comfortable asking him to change her plans.

He had instinctively engaged in protest behavior, picking a fight just to interact with her. He apologized to Sheila for not expressing her needs effectively and explained things to her. Once the real message got through, she calmed down too. USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.

She gave him the support she needed and he insisted that she attend the gym. Although Larry initially resorted to protest behavior, he found that, with a receptive partner, effective communication, even when used late within the game, can defuse a stressful situation.

THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION part 3
Like the concept of effective communication, the principles are also very simple: 1. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Effective communication requires being genuine and completely honest about your feelings. be emotionally brave! 2. Specialize in your needs. the idea is to urge your needs through. By expressing your needs, we are always on needs that also consider the well-being of your partner. If they are injured he or they will get hurt too; after all, you and your partner are an emotional unit. By expressing your needs, it’s helpful to use verbs like need, feel, and want, which focus on what you’re trying to achieve and not your partner’s shortcomings:

WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION part 3

• “I came to feel confident within the relationship. When you talk to the waitress, I wish I was on thin ice.”

• “I feel devalued once you contradict me in front of your friends. I want to feel like you just respect my opinions.”
• “I want to understand that I can trust you. once you go to bars with your friends, I am very worried that you will cheat on me.” 3.

Be specific. If you speak in general terms, your partner may not understand exactly what you really need, which can reduce your chances of getting it right. Indicate precisely what bothers you: • once you do not spend the night.

• once you are not aware of me daily.

• once you said you liked it, then you took it back. . . 4. Don’t blame. Never make your partner feel selfish, incompetent, or inadequate. Effective communication is not about highlighting the other person’s shortcomings and making

accusations will quickly throw you off purpose and lead to a duel. confirm to find a time when you are calm to discuss things. You will discover that trying to use effective communication when you are about to explode can be a contradiction in terms: you will presumably sound angry or critical. 5. Be assertive and without apologies.

WHY USE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION part 3

Your relationship needs are valid, period. Although people with different attachment styles may not see them As legitimate concerns are essential to your happiness and expressing them authentically is crucial to effective communication. now is particularly important if you have an anxious attachment style because of our culture.

 

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